you

[BrotherLovesDub]

i don't hate your poem but i don't love it either. i think the last line would be better if you removed 'of your audi'. i also think the reference to hermes would be better if the theme was carried on in the poem. as it is, that reference seems forced. weeds don't crack pavement, weeds grow in cracks after the pavement has been damaged. there has to be a better (more poetic?) way of saying 'but he knows he can see it fading'. it's just not a very good sentence/line. i think you've got a good idea and a couple good lines but you really need to work on a rewrite to make it coherent.