Turn Back the clock

Flywaver · #1 04-25-2008, 08:09 AM

I had one of those 'what ifs' at work today. My job is a Train Driver.
Anyway to shorten the story i was on my way from Cambridge to Birmingham and i was about to stop at a small station called Whittlesea.
As i ran in i noticed a big woman in pink on the track in front of me. As i was stopping she moved back and i shouted at her asking what the hell she was doing. She didn't answer and i thought i better report her.
Did the neccessary bits and got other trains cautioned. Anyway a couple of hours later at Birmingham i get a text off a colleague to say there has been a fatality a couple of miles down the track from Whittlesea station and it turns out it was the same woman!
I am gutted as i know i did what i could rules wise regarding work i just feel helpless. I guess someone wants to kill themselves then you just cant stop them but i wish they would do it and not let us Drivers see it all with the impact. The woman even damaged the Train that hit her.
Times like this........ What can you say.

Rog · #2 04-25-2008, 08:46 AM

gutted for you mate! but at the end of the day there was nothing you could have done. You cannot know what goes on in other peoples minds so its best to try and forget it but discuss it first with some good mates tonight if you can and they will probably tell you the same.......DON'T LET IT SPOIL YOUR WEEKEND!!

BeautifulBurnout · #3 04-25-2008, 09:14 AM

Damn, Flywaver. I am so sorry. This is gonna sound like a really heartless thing to say, but I think throwing yourself in front of a train is close-on the most selfish way of killing yourself. It traumatises the drivers, sometimes to the extent that they can never do their job again. Not to mention any onlookers who happen to see the mess afterwards.

This woman was clearly intent on going through with it, no matter what, and there was absolutely nothing you could have done to change that. I cannot begin to imagine what state she must have been in to do it, but you can't take responsibility for other people's suffering onto your shoulders.

Have a few stiff drinks and put on some nice tunes. You did the best you could.

Strangelet · #4 04-25-2008, 11:38 AM

i think your title says it all. can't tell you how many times i've read the news and heard about a victim of violence and injustice and wishing to god I could go back in time to have been there to stop it. doesn't mean I've ever been able to. And for someone like that, how far would you have to turn back the clock? Before her husband starts beating her or her father sexually abuses her or any other trauma that took part in her decision? You can't expect to take the world on your shoulders because other people miserably fail the task of acheiving bare minimum decency, including the victim towards herself.

best thing you can do is, yes have a few deserved drinks, but then feel grateful you're affected and therefore human, and tell the people you care for you care about them, and the people you love you love them, and go and caring and loving the people who are around.

that's about it

Deckard · #5 04-25-2008, 11:53 AM

Whenever I've read about people jumping in front of a train to kill themselves, I've often thought how traumatic it must be for the driver.

Flywaver, I'm sure you know this anyway, but the 'what if' game is a futile one. There are just so many branches of probability/fate that would have led to the same tragic conclusion, or possibly even worse (for instance, a different well-meant interaction from you could have triggered a series of events, further off culminating in an even worse incident involving passenger/staff fatalities - so in that sense, your action today may even have prevented that worse scenario). The broader point here is that second-guessing fate in hindsight is useless, it really is.

Bottom line is you did what you were professionally meant to do, and you have enough feeling in you to give a damn now even though you don't have to. It's unfortunate that people in your profession have to carry this 'hazard' with them every day that they set off. My job has no such hazard, and so I can only respect people who face risks like this on a daily basis.

Try and fill your time with things this weekend, hang around people, talk about stuff, watch telly, and keep your mind occupied.

EDIT: Strangelet put it well.

dubman · #6 04-25-2008, 12:02 PM

well, at least she didnt choo-choo-choose you

Flywaver · #7 04-25-2008, 12:46 PM

LOL Dubman... Could of chosen the Dark Train....
Anyway i had a fatality back in 2002 and its more of a shock than anything. I had Two Months Off work (A fitting title!)

The downside as well is i am not allowed any Alcohol in my system whatsoever before my next duty and i start at 0630 tomorrow.
I have to wait for my rest days.
Still there are more upsides than downsides to my job but fatalities suck big time.

Sean · #8 04-25-2008, 12:56 PM

What a crazy reality to have forced on you. I have to echo the sentiment that someone choosing a method like this to kill themselves is incredibly selfish. If you really feel that you need to kill yourself (which is the wrong decision, period), then at least have enough consideration for others to do it privately. Why traumatize a bunch of other innocent people in the process?

Like BB said, that sounds kind of heartless, but I don't think it actually is. What's heartless is putting innocent bystanders through a traumatic experience to suit your own selfish needs. Hang tough, Flywaver. You did what you could.

Stephen · #9 04-25-2008, 07:36 PM

Is Whittlesea near March? I've been to March and it's fucking weird. If she's from that area I can totally understand her wanting to end it all. I was there for less than 48 hours and I was getting twitchy for fucks sake.

Sorry. What everyone else said, basically. If you really wanted to depress yourself you could think about all the problems that you don't get to see everyday where maybe, just maybe, you could have helped someone out. But you won't. People don't. You can't help everyone, no matter how much you/we would like to. That's not cruel or cold or heartless, it's just a fact. Maybe there are people in the world who aren't doing their share to help others out but as long as you do what's right for your friends and family and then anyone else when you can then you should be able to sleep soundly at night.

Personally I'm just glad that you didn't end up being the one who hit her, as - like everyone else has already said - I can't imagine how horrible that must be.

Flywaver · #10 04-27-2008, 12:29 AM

Cheers for all your concerns people. I really think now it just comes with the job.Many of us at work survive on dark humour.Believe me its the only way to get by.
Yep Whittlesea is near March.Probaly full of inbreeding LOL
People say i had grown webbed feet moving to Ely but its not that bad really!
I got more information via emails and to be honest we really suffer from communication problems in this job which what this whole event boils down to. When i was stuck at Peterborough that day i could only see one member of platform staff as they vanished and its always us Traincrew that ends up trying to explain to the passengers we know nothing of what the hell is going on! So next time any of you get stuck and start losing your tempers just think of someone like poor Flywaver who has to deal with the Powers that be that won't tell him anything!

Cheers all.

ride the sainted rhythms on Flywavers train to Birmingham.
ride the sainted rhythms.
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