x_e_n_ - learn from me (e_x_c_e_r_p_t_s_)

[x_e_n_]

x_e_n_ - Return to Earth (death of eve)

download it:
http://www.divshare.com/download/8055714-656

e_x_c_e_r_p_t_s_:



"when it rains...

it just fucking pours...

i've had a pretty shitty couple of weeks now... and it just seemed to get worse until this past week... everything just subsided. just like that.

it seems that the fates either have a fucked up sense of humor or they were just letting me rest...

because this weekend it poured... friday night sucked because just as i had heard that morning that my cousin who's been trying to get here for a very long time and has had really bad times trying to do that... was here. not only that he was here but, that he had been here for 8 days. my first reaction to that was... 'fucking bitch didnt call'.... and hasnt for that matter. i get home friday night after having some good times with two new groups of friends. well, it seems that my life is not without a sense of balance. when something good happens... something just as bad balances it all out."

"fun shit. then, i'm like, 'i know what you guys are gon do. stop right now. dont go just yet.' he was like 'nah man. i cant. it's too late. we just passed the 20 min mark to get to the border.' i was all... 'NO COME BACK' 'it's too late' ... i pass the phone to the other trying to convince. nope. didnt happen. it ends with... 'ok. i hope you make it ok and know that we love you always...'

i didnt even get to say good-bye."


"saturnday was... just a great day. after drying the tears from the previous night. i felt... better,pissed,sad. a lot of things at the same time. but, as the day progressed and we celebrated a friends berf-day from work... things felt better."


"the fucking around. the letting shit out that bugs you at work. the mutual hate for the guy who runs it all. the understanding of how alike we are even though we work in different departments. the feel that we arent getting paid what we should be or appreciated like we should be."


"all that let us release our mutual tension at work and let us feel better... in a way."

"i realized. this has been one of the greatest nights of my life. the way we joked, the way we would fuck with each other and know it was just fucking around. the lasagna she made... although a little burnt (which wasnt her fault) it tasted so good i felt like garfield eating six-7 plates..."

"i leave with fonso who i had picked up and was so mentaly un-coordinated with his body by this time he kept falling and saying shit like. 'why are you moving the floor?' or 'this is the way i get up.' or 'this is the way i sit down.' "


"i go start my car... tough shit. too bad...not tonight!"

"i wake up today to go get the car fixed. we thought it was the battery. nope. battery's fine. ok maybe it was the starter. we leave the car to get checked out after giving it another push to make it start. on the way home i tell her... 'why do things always happen to me when im trying to do something?' i been wanting to completely pay off a debt that is really small now. i was gon pay 500 to bring it down to 300 on tuesday. if all my money goes in trying to fix the car. too fucking bad. try again next time!"

"if i went through all this shit ive gone through lately to magically have this night then, fine. fine. it was worth it. to which then i thought... 'BULLSHIT. i shouldnt have to go through all that shit for one night of happiness. no one should.' i said... fuck you. if there truly does exist a god. or something that can magically control the way our lives pan out. fuck you. fuck you."


"anger makes us think the thing that would make us feel better... in this case, having someone to blame and be able to have vengence on."

"i was given the phone because it said: 'unknown' on the caller id thing. i answer and i hear this woman's voice who i recognized half a second after i heard. my aunt from mexico. 'hey, im glad i found you.' she said... 'i wanted to talk to you. i have bad news...'

years ago...


i met my cousin's wife's sister... got that? she was cool... we got along. i fell. before i knew what had happened i fell hard... hard... i dont if she knew that or not.

years later when dad died... we returned. that year i found out how she felt. and she felt the same. but, by the time i saw her next and by that time already... she was creating life within her and being married to someone no one knew why she was with and no one liked. it fucked me good. i lost her.


there was nothing i could do anymore. but, it taught me one thing. if there is something you really want. grab it. dont wait. dont think 'well what if...' NO. grab it. before you lose it. take a risk, take a chance. dont regret it later......

today...


'...i have bad news...'

'what happened?'

'last night. evelia passed away...'

......

i lost her all over again. i lost her in life; and i lost her in death.

waterfall eyes... more like niagra-fall eyes.

learn from me. dont wait. dont think maybe next time. do it. do it now. for you will regret it. just like i do...

while i was having the greatest night of my life... she was dying.

this one's for you evelia.


adios... amor.

- x_e_n_

oct '07 "

a younger me...