[holden]

Hey Caprice,

Lots of good advice and opinions already posted. I'll add my own, more as a show of support than anything scientific. As someone who has struggled depression for years, I know that having someone say, "it'll get better in time" or recounting their own situation is of little use. So i'll stay on your situation.

I agree with what was said already about not reading too much into your feelings as being symptoms of a syndrome or mental illness. Some people are just naturally melancholy or introverted, and that's fine. Social situations with new people, especially established circles of friends are challenging to most people, whether they show it or not. Sounds like you're at leat extroverted enough to function in your job that requires a superficial friendliness, but the making of meaningful relationships requires a trust and an effort you're not prepared to deal with now.

One thing that i got from recent behavioral counselling (whereby you do practical things to work out difficulties rather than the style of conselling where you just dish and cry...both have their merits, but anyway), is:
Make a list of your "Narcisistic Injuries": That is, the people or situations that have hurt you, write them down! Get it out! We're all carrying emotional baggage that have hurt our ego or even affected our behavior. It's good to just think about where these injuries came from, in concrete terms rather than the accumulated feelings. But then, you take this imaginary open letter and destroy it, with the conviction that you will not let those injuries affect you any more. It sounds a lil cheesy, i know, but it actually feels pretty cathartic. It might also be good discussion with your girlfriend, as it will help her understand where you're coming from.

Hope this helps, man!