[dubman]

so my phone rang the other day...

*ring ring*

"hello?"

"hello alan. we are the cosmic forces that bestow wonderful things on the world. we were spinning this humongous vat of all the peoples names in the world and your name came up, so we ask you, what's a good idea?"

"um. well shit i dunno. whoever invented sandwiches pretty much gave us all the best thing possible."

"well, you like music, right?"

"only kinda."

"pfft. here's what we'll do. we're going to get two of your favorite bands, and make them go on tour together. and no, that doesnt include autechre, because they're difficult and weird."

"underworld and radiohead? that doesnt make any goddamned sense... have you seen a radiohead concert? these friggin kids! they dont dance!"

"that's why we're going to have underworld first. if they wont make them move, then no one can!"

"yeah? let's make it interesting and take some bets on that. besides, te idea of underworld opening for anyone is just weird. you dance yourself stupid to them, you can't follo-"

"NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE SHIT. HERE WE ARE ORCHESTRATING A SMORGASBORGASM OF MUSIC JUST FOR YOU AND YOU'RE COMING UP WITH ALL THE TINY PIDDLING REASONS WHY IT MIGHT NOT WORK. THIS IS WEIRD ENOUGH TO BE BOTH SURREAL AND AMAZING SO JUST PUT UP WITH IT, BUY THE TICKETS, AND GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR FOR IT."

"... well, when you put it that way... OMFG UNDERWORLD AND RADIOHEAD IN ONE NIGHT THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST NIGHT EVER"

"there you go... jesus. kids these days. too level-headed."