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Old 04-15-2006, 09:02 AM
Leon
bungalow
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,231
Re: Some lyrics of mine...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peter
I wrote some lyrics for my latest track (which will soon be available online probably) and was wondering what people thought... enjoy (?)

Riding on Empty

Section 1

Riding on empty baby
Climbing the stairway maybe
You can find
Yourself.

Search in the broken shards
Look for a fallen star
Amidst
The ruin.

Riding on empty shards
Climbing the stairway star
Amidst
Yourself.

Search in the broken baby
Look for a fallen maybe
You can find
The ruin.

Section 2

Smoke in the forest
Fire on the underground
Dog bark girl sing happily
Down and down and down.
(repeat)

Section 3

robo dog dream dog bathroom floor dog
deliver the goods and youll be a happy dog

shadow smoke dread smoke lock the door smoke
a little bag of goodies on the dubside smoke



Any feedback (I realise it kinda needs the music though...)
I think they're pretty good lyrics, BUT section 3 makes me think too much of Born Slippy. I'm not saying you should change that, but maybe you could be a little more original? Although, that sounds weird, because overall, the lyrics are pretty original and I would be interested in hearing it with the music.