Quote:
Originally Posted by stimpee
Thats a nice feeling. I hope youve learned from your previous experiences (and our wonderful advice...erm right?). You have a talent for meeting beautiful women it seems. Why cant we all meet models on the one night we decide to go out?  |
advice is hard to take sometimes, especially when your heart says one
thing, and your mind says another!
also, if a person wants to mislead you, it's hard to know what's going on
unless they really want tell you the truth...so you end up getting hurt even
though you didn't mean for it to be that way.... well enough of the past..
i know nobody's asking, because most people i meet have a lot more
experience than i do... but i think it's interesting for me too look back..
SOME OBSERVATIONS:
===================
this is probably going to be long (as i usually go on), and might
not make complete sense right away.. but i have noticed a few things..
about me: when i was in high school, and college (a long time ago,
like 2 decades!).... i never went out, never had dates, didn't go to
parties, etc..[also didn't smoke/drink/etc..nothing wrong with that,
i just never picked up those habits..although i do have the
occasional drink now!]...so i spent a lot of time just observing people,
in fact i still like to watch other peoples behaviour more than interacting with them...
i also spent a lot of time reading, listening to music, watching movies, and doing
computer/videogame related stuff.. i always had a lot of hobbies and interests to
keep me preoccupied..
anyways, i ALWAYS wanted to meet women, and have dates/relationships etc.
but since i was brought up with a very strict conservative background (i'm indian,
and my parents had an arranged marriage)..so i never really had a chance to
act on going out (i probably should have)... well as you can imagine i never was
able to develop a social life (unless it was with other guys who had the same interests)..
i was always the organized/analytical type too.. everything was nicely planned
out, grades were good.. i thought i had it made, and would become just another
cog in the daily life that people had... get married, settle down, kids etc.. WELL
I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG!
in fact, once i graduated, i never did settle into one thing.. i never did meet one
person, etc.. the more i planned out things the more things never went the way
i thought they would..
with women, sometimes i tried too hard.. sometimes i didn't try hard enough..
eventually every girl i met always was 'taken', or had someone.... a few hundred
times later... i got it and gave up... of course, just because someone is in a
relationship, doesn't mean its going to go on forever.. but i never had the patience
and was too concerned about doing things properly...
pretty soon, i became more relaxed, and just realized it was better to have
women as friends, and that's how it's been ever since...i end up having a lot
more women friends (casual) than guy friends.. at work, going out, anytime..
i just 'click' better with women for some reason.. yes, on occasion i can make
friends with guys.. but not too often..maybe because i don't 'hit' on them like
other guys, or act in ways that make them feel uncomfortable, or rude/gross
etc..i treat them special, but am always courteous, open-minded, and defer
to them..maybe i'm old fashioned, but i also prefer more personal contact,
that just texting/emailing/social online stuff (although i have learned to live with
texting)..i will only call someone if they are ok with it, and are free to talk..
i'm average looking (i think), have slightly long hair, am in pretty good shape,
wear decent clothes (upgraded my wardrobe a year ago)..and people tell me
i look and act much younger than my mid 40's! so it's probably an attitude thing..
i always try to be friendly, approachable, and sarcastic/humorous.. i also
seem to have a lot more interests in common with younger people, and
i don't talk about career/money/cars/stocks/material stuff etc. like i hear
a lot of other guys bragging about...(although stability is important at times)..
most of the time women approach me, and start talking to me first
(and most regret it later - ha ha!)...in fact with my current friend, it was
exactly like that.. she saw me, and decided to start the conversation..
in my mind, i would have NEVER thought about talking to her, because
i would have been intimidated.. but she has a nice outgoing personality,
and talks pretty freely, so it worked out...
as you can guess, i like conversations (and no, they don't all have to be
about deep, complicated issues)..so talking and LISTENING have always
helped me out..i know everyone's unique.. but i have a different perspective
on a lot of things.. art/music/culture/society/etc.. so there's a lways a lot
to talk about..and i love to find out about peoples interests, and their lives,
so i am very inquisitive, but not too obtrusive or get too personal..
the things i think that some women appreciate:
--------------------------
be honest/sincere.. about your age, what you do, your status.. you don't have
to tell every little detail about your life, but about the major things..
are you married/divorced/have kids, etc? i've met all kinds, and sometimes
they don't tell me those things! you would be surprised! if you're looking
for more than a friendship, you need to know that they are single!
also, you don't have to flatter someone constantly, and if you do,
you had better mean it.. otherwise it gets old, and tiring..acting
phony will only make you look bad once your real personality shows.
have respect.. i know some guys come off strong, hit on a girl, get their
number, use them, lie etc.. i can't do any of that...it's just not me.. i NEVER
ask them for their number/contact.. until they trust me.. if they want my
number, i give it out.. i usually let them dictate how things go, because i'm
not the most experienced.. i know when to take the lead and make suggestions
to.. .otherwise you end up being used/doormat etc.. and that's happened to me
a lot (just being too nice unfortunately)...
learn to communicate/interact .. easier said than done, you still have to be able
to figure out when to say something, and when not too.. and yes it would
be easy for me to hang out with someone, and overdo it with all the time
on my hands.. so i've learned to be patient, and let things evolve, and not
push for doing things all the time .. i do have a lot of ideas/inspirations/projects, to make
our meeting seem fun/casual/interesting.. but it's a lot of work! but worth it too
me... sure, women know they are beautiful, or get compliments.. but you can
still tell them, or show them in different ways.. HONESTLY, looks can get
your attention, but if they don't have a personality/intelligence it might not
last that long..i know with my friend, her personality is just as attractive as
her looks..
trust .. i can't tell you how important this is.. without this, and the other things
i mentioned.. you really won't get far. until someone can trust you, you won't
make any progress in the friendship/relationship.. and yes it has to be earned..
there were a lot of times i could have taken advantage of another person, but
i didn't because i knew it would have been wrong... don't cheat on someone,
don't hide things, don't mislead someone..you need to make your intentions
clear or things will quickly disintegrate and come back against you..
----------------
nowadays, i don't really try to plan too much about the future..
or what i will end up doing and how..i've been very fortunate when it comes
to money/jobs/travel, and meeting people..
although yes, i've been used/hurt/and had issues, it's all a part of the learning experience..
every women i have met is amazing, and interesting in some way,
you just have to make them understand, and feel that way, and if they can
do that for you.. then you'll have a much more fulfilling time with your life,
and theirs..
later
-1