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Obama Legacy Might Be Hampering Health Care Reform

AP - April 1, 2217 - More than two centuries after St. Barack Obama the First proclaimed that he would be the last president to deal with health care reform, the High Panel of Experts is debating whether such proclamations should be taken literally. Before St. Barack's Ascension, he told a "joint session" of the Old American Congress (what today would be a plenary gathering of both members of the High Panel of Experts and the Total Planners Commission) that he would settle the issue of collective medical provision for all time. "I am not the first president to take up this cause, but I am determined to be the last."

As we all know from our pre-pubescent data downloads, he was wildly successful, ending discussion of such issues for generations. Now that might be changing.

The problem, according to a minority of experts and members of the Suk guild, is that changes in diet, lifestyle and, of course, the radiation fallout from the Gamma Epsilon Implosion, have created new conditions that a centuries-old health care system is ill-eqipped to deal with. The fact, for instance, that some 30 percent of the population now have foreheads the same length and breadth of their torsos or that members of this transcranial community no longer consumes traditional foodstuffs is just one development the Old American Congress could not have foreseen. "Look, the Transcrans, don't even move anymore," argues Dr. Noonian Sung a reformer on the TPC. "It's all telekinesis with them. They don't even need to get out of their hover chairs to get their protein slushy goo drinks. Why is it heresy to suggest we need to adjust to new realities?"

Fortunately, notes Roy Batty of the Thomas Friedman Foundation for Efficient Decision Making, the Transcranials are largely self-sufficient and autonomous, asking little of the Hive while contributing a great deal. Batty even goes so far as to argue that by telekinetically turning the giant turbines that power our cities, Transcrans should even be exempt from mandatory consultation with Life Termination Panels at the age of 50 like most citizens.

One can't say the same about the Zombies. The health care needs of the differently-animated community are profound. Their diet of brains is not only expensive, but sustaining a steady supply of brain matter arouses political resentments among the sewer lurker community which has been assigned the job for years. At-home visits to Zombie families by feeder-nurse practitioners are costly and time consuming. "Yes, sure, it's all still covered by Medicare, but that's not really the point," says a Third Privy Actuary for the Second Tier Citizens of Zone Beta who declined to give his name. "The current system is just grotesquely inefficient. Look I light my candles to The One before I go to bed every night like everybody else. But let us remember the sacred texts. St. Obama said he was a "pragmatist" and that he just wanted to go with what works. If he were corporeal here on Terra Prime today, he would agree."

The General Secretary of the Plenary Session is less convinced. When asked for comment, Dr. Stepford replied that St. Obama said what he said and the time for bickering is over. He then asked this reporter for the names and domicile cube numbers of anyone who has suggested otherwise. He says they will be harvested for brains and protein goo immediately.