another year goes by...now what?
 

... and another birthday comes around..
yeah, another year for me...

i usually don't celebrate it.. and in fact
i took the last year 'off'... didn't feel like
working, or going out, or meeting people..
was just tired of everything.. work, girlfriend,
etc..

yeah, i made it to a few concerts, and this
year.. i slowly realized i would have to somehow
try to get back to society... although i do like the
idea of a 'non-linear' lifestyle, waking up when i feel
like it,eating whenever..etc..in fact, i'm usually asleep
all day, and just wake up at nights..

slowly i've started living a secluded lifestyle.. in the
dark. never opening the windows..keeping the windows darkened..
i used to have to go the bank once every couple of weeks,
but thats not an issue now.. the only thing i need is food..
that's it..i don't really have any friends or relatives nearby,
and i don't really call anyone, except my brother once in
awhile..

i brought a ton of my stuff out of storage last year, and was
going to sort it all out, digitize my music/movies/books/etc..
and i've been staring at it for 9 months now.. and only NOW
am i getting around to doing something about it..

i almost just want to get rid of everything.. i have too much stuff.
i got rid of a lot of clothes, gave away a whole bunch of old videogames
and books/laserdiscs...

getting old makes me realize how tiring it was getting everything
i thought i wanted....i guess i need new goals now...its not like
i need anything material...

and of course, what else happens the one time i decided to go out
in the winter? i met someone! of course she's a really nice person..
21... is a student, and works as a model in her spare time.. we talk
and text each other, and i feel like she's the only person that is
actually willing to talk to me, hang out, and inspire me..

http://ramonastalent.com/image/photo...lson3Large.jpg

funny when you aren't looking for something, and someone comes
along and blows away your expectations... again, i have no idea
what's going to happen, and where things are going to go.. or if
i'm even going to live in the same place (was considering packing
up and heading back to texas)...she sure is making me reconsider
a lot of things, i never used to think about before..

should be an interesting year, and maybe it's time
to return to civilization.. or maybe not.. we'll see..

later
-1

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

Hey Raj,

Happy Birthday. Today is my Mom's birthday too. She's a bit of a recluse in her old age and I definitely see it taking a toll on her overall happiness and mental welfare. You're a great guy with a lot to give so i'm going to make this short. Get out. Join a community group. Volunteer. You can make a difference helping out and you'll feel better for it. Nothing good will come of you continuing to shy away and turn inward.

Good Luck and Have a great year this year.

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

yeah, thanks..
good advice..

i used be really active, invvolved with church groups,
did all that for quite some time..in fact it was really
enjoyable, and i met people and had a really good social life..

for some reason, i don't know if i ever really 'fit in', though..
just became more introspective..as time passed..

maybe i've always been anti-social, and was just
forcing myself to conform?

i always had projects and things in the past to keep me
busy.. but i think my lack of fulfillment with jobs/plans/
relationships always made me rethink what i wanted..

i was always a completist, and semi-perfectionist (if that's
possible)..and i think the lack of not being able to finish the
major things i wanted to do led to this state.

i guess it's easier to lead a 'virtual' life.. although i don't
do social networks/gaming online/etc etc..so i'm kind of
old fashioned that way... i also find it interesting that people
i know don't talk much anymore.. just text...

i don't want to place all my social activities on one person..
that would be overwhelming...but i am going to make an
effort to get back out into the world again.. i'll deal with
my other dissatisfaction separately..

later
-1

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

Hey raj, birthday? well hope its a good one. your completist attitude here is very welcome sir. however, in real life out and about being competist isnt always an advantage. i hope you can let go enough to relax and be more out going. was good to hear of your exploits last year with the lady. even though it didnt work out it sounded like the experience did you a lot of good. was great to get the updates and experience these things with you.

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

you remember that? it was pretty crazy going through all that!
yeah, i'm much more somber, and serious now for some reason..

in some ways it was overwhelming going through so much stuff
all at once.. especially for someone that's never been in a relationship
before..

i've met other women in the meantime, and it's always been a wild
adventure to say the least..

this time, i'm taking things a little slower... but i'm sure it will surprise
me, just like everything else seems to! ... in fact i'll be doing a photo
shoot with my new friend this week.. should be a lot of fun.. and i do
need to get outside again!

i guess everyone needs some time for introspection.. but when you
get older, having some stabiilty and some structure might be a good
thing for me to have.. i'm just not psychologically ready to accept that
for some reason that i haven't figured out..

later
-1

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

well, the circles are still hunting me… apropos being - or not being - psychologically ready for the whatever that is imposing

art that is providing food for thought is like having sex
that later grows to a love affair, then to a relationship and later to a marriage
kinda progress :D
nothing serious, just a conference at the hotel Renaissance in Amsterdam last Monday…

diamonds out of circles, black coffee out of the laptop

http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...4183942c/l.jpg

and it felt almost like I found my soul mate, I felt marriage

http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...7e4d7451/l.jpg

with three birds in the house...

http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...361093fa/l.jpg

and another year goes by...

goddamn
I should consider the matter...

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

very cool,
thanks for sharing..

well got back from a very dreamy time at a park
with my friend.. we had a lot of fun, taking pictures
and catching up..

i'll post a link to some of them once they're up..
(give me a break, i'm just an amateur)..
http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5027/...6ea865c5e0.jpg
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http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=134

all i know is that i wish time would stand still
longer when i'm with her, and that she makes
all my fears disappear...yeah, i'll still have
insecurities, but when i'm with her they don't
matter at all...

later
-1

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

thank you for saying that!
some people would rather say I´m crazy you know :)

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

well, i wouldn't know if you were crazy!

but, i'm pretty sure i am! (or at least i
think that's what other people think of me!)

later
-1

Re: another year goes by...now what?
 

Thats a nice feeling. I hope youve learned from your previous experiences (and our wonderful advice...erm right?). You have a talent for meeting beautiful women it seems. Why cant we all meet models on the one night we decide to go out? :p