|
another year goes by...now what?
... and another birthday comes around..
yeah, another year for me... i usually don't celebrate it.. and in fact i took the last year 'off'... didn't feel like working, or going out, or meeting people.. was just tired of everything.. work, girlfriend, etc.. yeah, i made it to a few concerts, and this year.. i slowly realized i would have to somehow try to get back to society... although i do like the idea of a 'non-linear' lifestyle, waking up when i feel like it,eating whenever..etc..in fact, i'm usually asleep all day, and just wake up at nights.. slowly i've started living a secluded lifestyle.. in the dark. never opening the windows..keeping the windows darkened.. i used to have to go the bank once every couple of weeks, but thats not an issue now.. the only thing i need is food.. that's it..i don't really have any friends or relatives nearby, and i don't really call anyone, except my brother once in awhile.. i brought a ton of my stuff out of storage last year, and was going to sort it all out, digitize my music/movies/books/etc.. and i've been staring at it for 9 months now.. and only NOW am i getting around to doing something about it.. i almost just want to get rid of everything.. i have too much stuff. i got rid of a lot of clothes, gave away a whole bunch of old videogames and books/laserdiscs... getting old makes me realize how tiring it was getting everything i thought i wanted....i guess i need new goals now...its not like i need anything material... and of course, what else happens the one time i decided to go out in the winter? i met someone! of course she's a really nice person.. 21... is a student, and works as a model in her spare time.. we talk and text each other, and i feel like she's the only person that is actually willing to talk to me, hang out, and inspire me.. http://ramonastalent.com/image/photo...lson3Large.jpg funny when you aren't looking for something, and someone comes along and blows away your expectations... again, i have no idea what's going to happen, and where things are going to go.. or if i'm even going to live in the same place (was considering packing up and heading back to texas)...she sure is making me reconsider a lot of things, i never used to think about before.. should be an interesting year, and maybe it's time to return to civilization.. or maybe not.. we'll see.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Hey Raj,
Happy Birthday. Today is my Mom's birthday too. She's a bit of a recluse in her old age and I definitely see it taking a toll on her overall happiness and mental welfare. You're a great guy with a lot to give so i'm going to make this short. Get out. Join a community group. Volunteer. You can make a difference helping out and you'll feel better for it. Nothing good will come of you continuing to shy away and turn inward. Good Luck and Have a great year this year. |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
good advice.. i used be really active, invvolved with church groups, did all that for quite some time..in fact it was really enjoyable, and i met people and had a really good social life.. for some reason, i don't know if i ever really 'fit in', though.. just became more introspective..as time passed.. maybe i've always been anti-social, and was just forcing myself to conform? i always had projects and things in the past to keep me busy.. but i think my lack of fulfillment with jobs/plans/ relationships always made me rethink what i wanted.. i was always a completist, and semi-perfectionist (if that's possible)..and i think the lack of not being able to finish the major things i wanted to do led to this state. i guess it's easier to lead a 'virtual' life.. although i don't do social networks/gaming online/etc etc..so i'm kind of old fashioned that way... i also find it interesting that people i know don't talk much anymore.. just text... i don't want to place all my social activities on one person.. that would be overwhelming...but i am going to make an effort to get back out into the world again.. i'll deal with my other dissatisfaction separately.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Hey raj, birthday? well hope its a good one. your completist attitude here is very welcome sir. however, in real life out and about being competist isnt always an advantage. i hope you can let go enough to relax and be more out going. was good to hear of your exploits last year with the lady. even though it didnt work out it sounded like the experience did you a lot of good. was great to get the updates and experience these things with you.
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
yeah, i'm much more somber, and serious now for some reason.. in some ways it was overwhelming going through so much stuff all at once.. especially for someone that's never been in a relationship before.. i've met other women in the meantime, and it's always been a wild adventure to say the least.. this time, i'm taking things a little slower... but i'm sure it will surprise me, just like everything else seems to! ... in fact i'll be doing a photo shoot with my new friend this week.. should be a lot of fun.. and i do need to get outside again! i guess everyone needs some time for introspection.. but when you get older, having some stabiilty and some structure might be a good thing for me to have.. i'm just not psychologically ready to accept that for some reason that i haven't figured out.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
well, the circles are still hunting me… apropos being - or not being - psychologically ready for the whatever that is imposing
art that is providing food for thought is like having sex that later grows to a love affair, then to a relationship and later to a marriage kinda progress :D nothing serious, just a conference at the hotel Renaissance in Amsterdam last Monday… diamonds out of circles, black coffee out of the laptop http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...4183942c/l.jpg and it felt almost like I found my soul mate, I felt marriage http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...7e4d7451/l.jpg with three birds in the house... http://a3.l3-images.myspacecdn.com/i...361093fa/l.jpg and another year goes by... goddamn I should consider the matter... |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
thanks for sharing.. well got back from a very dreamy time at a park with my friend.. we had a lot of fun, taking pictures and catching up.. i'll post a link to some of them once they're up.. (give me a break, i'm just an amateur).. http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5027/...6ea865c5e0.jpg -------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=134 all i know is that i wish time would stand still longer when i'm with her, and that she makes all my fears disappear...yeah, i'll still have insecurities, but when i'm with her they don't matter at all... later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
some people would rather say I´m crazy you know :) |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
but, i'm pretty sure i am! (or at least i think that's what other people think of me!) later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
|
Re: another year goes by...now what? - Observations about me/by me
Quote:
thing, and your mind says another! also, if a person wants to mislead you, it's hard to know what's going on unless they really want tell you the truth...so you end up getting hurt even though you didn't mean for it to be that way.... well enough of the past.. i know nobody's asking, because most people i meet have a lot more experience than i do... but i think it's interesting for me too look back.. SOME OBSERVATIONS: =================== this is probably going to be long (as i usually go on), and might not make complete sense right away.. but i have noticed a few things.. about me: when i was in high school, and college (a long time ago, like 2 decades!).... i never went out, never had dates, didn't go to parties, etc..[also didn't smoke/drink/etc..nothing wrong with that, i just never picked up those habits..although i do have the occasional drink now!]...so i spent a lot of time just observing people, in fact i still like to watch other peoples behaviour more than interacting with them... i also spent a lot of time reading, listening to music, watching movies, and doing computer/videogame related stuff.. i always had a lot of hobbies and interests to keep me preoccupied.. anyways, i ALWAYS wanted to meet women, and have dates/relationships etc. but since i was brought up with a very strict conservative background (i'm indian, and my parents had an arranged marriage)..so i never really had a chance to act on going out (i probably should have)... well as you can imagine i never was able to develop a social life (unless it was with other guys who had the same interests).. i was always the organized/analytical type too.. everything was nicely planned out, grades were good.. i thought i had it made, and would become just another cog in the daily life that people had... get married, settle down, kids etc.. WELL I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG! in fact, once i graduated, i never did settle into one thing.. i never did meet one person, etc.. the more i planned out things the more things never went the way i thought they would.. with women, sometimes i tried too hard.. sometimes i didn't try hard enough.. eventually every girl i met always was 'taken', or had someone.... a few hundred times later... i got it and gave up... of course, just because someone is in a relationship, doesn't mean its going to go on forever.. but i never had the patience and was too concerned about doing things properly... pretty soon, i became more relaxed, and just realized it was better to have women as friends, and that's how it's been ever since...i end up having a lot more women friends (casual) than guy friends.. at work, going out, anytime.. i just 'click' better with women for some reason.. yes, on occasion i can make friends with guys.. but not too often..maybe because i don't 'hit' on them like other guys, or act in ways that make them feel uncomfortable, or rude/gross etc..i treat them special, but am always courteous, open-minded, and defer to them..maybe i'm old fashioned, but i also prefer more personal contact, that just texting/emailing/social online stuff (although i have learned to live with texting)..i will only call someone if they are ok with it, and are free to talk.. i'm average looking (i think), have slightly long hair, am in pretty good shape, wear decent clothes (upgraded my wardrobe a year ago)..and people tell me i look and act much younger than my mid 40's! so it's probably an attitude thing.. i always try to be friendly, approachable, and sarcastic/humorous.. i also seem to have a lot more interests in common with younger people, and i don't talk about career/money/cars/stocks/material stuff etc. like i hear a lot of other guys bragging about...(although stability is important at times).. most of the time women approach me, and start talking to me first (and most regret it later - ha ha!)...in fact with my current friend, it was exactly like that.. she saw me, and decided to start the conversation.. in my mind, i would have NEVER thought about talking to her, because i would have been intimidated.. but she has a nice outgoing personality, and talks pretty freely, so it worked out... as you can guess, i like conversations (and no, they don't all have to be about deep, complicated issues)..so talking and LISTENING have always helped me out..i know everyone's unique.. but i have a different perspective on a lot of things.. art/music/culture/society/etc.. so there's a lways a lot to talk about..and i love to find out about peoples interests, and their lives, so i am very inquisitive, but not too obtrusive or get too personal.. the things i think that some women appreciate: -------------------------- be honest/sincere.. about your age, what you do, your status.. you don't have to tell every little detail about your life, but about the major things.. are you married/divorced/have kids, etc? i've met all kinds, and sometimes they don't tell me those things! you would be surprised! if you're looking for more than a friendship, you need to know that they are single! also, you don't have to flatter someone constantly, and if you do, you had better mean it.. otherwise it gets old, and tiring..acting phony will only make you look bad once your real personality shows. have respect.. i know some guys come off strong, hit on a girl, get their number, use them, lie etc.. i can't do any of that...it's just not me.. i NEVER ask them for their number/contact.. until they trust me.. if they want my number, i give it out.. i usually let them dictate how things go, because i'm not the most experienced.. i know when to take the lead and make suggestions to.. .otherwise you end up being used/doormat etc.. and that's happened to me a lot (just being too nice unfortunately)... learn to communicate/interact .. easier said than done, you still have to be able to figure out when to say something, and when not too.. and yes it would be easy for me to hang out with someone, and overdo it with all the time on my hands.. so i've learned to be patient, and let things evolve, and not push for doing things all the time .. i do have a lot of ideas/inspirations/projects, to make our meeting seem fun/casual/interesting.. but it's a lot of work! but worth it too me... sure, women know they are beautiful, or get compliments.. but you can still tell them, or show them in different ways.. HONESTLY, looks can get your attention, but if they don't have a personality/intelligence it might not last that long..i know with my friend, her personality is just as attractive as her looks.. trust .. i can't tell you how important this is.. without this, and the other things i mentioned.. you really won't get far. until someone can trust you, you won't make any progress in the friendship/relationship.. and yes it has to be earned.. there were a lot of times i could have taken advantage of another person, but i didn't because i knew it would have been wrong... don't cheat on someone, don't hide things, don't mislead someone..you need to make your intentions clear or things will quickly disintegrate and come back against you.. ---------------- nowadays, i don't really try to plan too much about the future.. or what i will end up doing and how..i've been very fortunate when it comes to money/jobs/travel, and meeting people.. although yes, i've been used/hurt/and had issues, it's all a part of the learning experience.. every women i have met is amazing, and interesting in some way, you just have to make them understand, and feel that way, and if they can do that for you.. then you'll have a much more fulfilling time with your life, and theirs.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
beautiful!
sounds almost computer generated :) your girlfriend has got a nice partner so it seems I wish you a happy marriage! |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
a long long time.. it tends to scare women away..(especially the younger ones, and a few older ones too!) actually, i think marriage is kind of an outdated institution, but that's a whole different discussion! later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
well, time has been going by,
and it's been going great.. i'm starting to get out more.. even saw sunlight a few more times.. i've been taking a lot of video at night for projects (look for some with underworld fan mixes).. also, tommorrow will be a BIG day.. we're going to a very cool science institute that has nice futuristic, modern glass and steel architecture! and we are going to be dressed in some high style (well she is!)... can't wait to see how it turns out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
she's looking like this (teaser shot): ======================================= http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/3451/img5143cr01.jpg there's a lot more, but i'll eventually post some links in the process section.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
hmm... so no sex before marriage eh?:D
however it looks like she is much appreciated sorry if I´m totally off topic but I can´t help thinking about Karl´s pain.tings right now Wondering how to Live Horny on Half the Money http://www.underworldlive.com/art/vi...ry.asp?DID=847 Lo-Fi in the Mornin http://www.underworldlive.com/art/vi...y.asp?DID=1268 and one of my favourites Im Running in Circles http://www.underworldlive.com/art/vi...ry.asp?DID=844 Quote:
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
andrea,
i'll get back to you on some more thoughts about what you said.. stimpee.. check out the video i made with her under craft, i think you'll enjoy it.. ====================== http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...163#post150163 later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
She is indeed beautiful and probably makes every average woman feel worthless.:)
Now I understand what you mean when you say your fears and insecurities don't matter at al when you´re with her. anyway I was at least sweet when I was one-year-old :D http://www.borndirty.org/forums/pict...&pictureid=108 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
but theres still a lot of fun things you can still do! oh,and here's the update to 100 more reasons for her.. ---------------------------- http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=141 http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5302/...145a4283_z.jpg marriage seems to be more of a contrived social convention due to religious reasons. i really dont see the appeal or merit of it in current society. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
The majority, of course, just ask themselves, a few years into the relationship, "We're already living together in one apartment, so why not take the massive tax bonuses as well?" |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
shhhhhhhhhh.............. later -1 |
marriage and divorce!
Quote:
in fact as far as psychological things go.. i'm big on closure... so i'm kinda torn with the traditional mindset, and being unconventional..(although if i ever get to the point, i'm sure the woman in question will make the major decision for me).... think about it, how long has marriage really been around for? well there's some background here: ========================= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage (probably way too much)... but the one thing i've noticed is that it has evolved.. and in western culture, i don't think there is a pronounced emphasis on it, in the last century.. divorce on the other hand: ------------------------------------- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce (again, a long read)... probably has been around just as long.. and the rates at which they happen are going to keep increasing from the looks of it.... so if culture makes it so easy to divorce, why go through the hassle of getting married if you don't mean it? either make it a lot harder to get married, and/or make it harder to get divorced... if i'm getting into it, it's only going to be one time for life.. (well, with whatever time i have left)... later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
so i've decided to start working again soon..
yes, and look for a job.. why not? it will give me something to do.. and get back into a somewhat regular schedule.. but where? around here? some other place? i have no idea..... i do have some leads, that are around me, so maybe that will work out.... ------------------------------------------ yes, i'm still seeing my friend... we've gone out more lately, and it's always fascinating.. what she wears, what we talk about, and what we plan to do in the future..... however, i have to figure out something if i do decide to leave.. ouch, that will be tough.. then again??? ======================================== i HATE going to the mall for shopping... which is why i haven't been to one in a few years... i do almost all my non-food shopping online (amazon, ebay, etc).... so the other day, i had to go help a guy friend drop off a rental car.. we had been out of town, and flew in to a different city, and drove the car back to our town, but the office was closed.. so i go to the mall, and knowing that my friend smokes, i see a booth for e-cigarettes... no-ones around, or at least i thought so.....so i am checking out the details, and then she comes over... 'hi - can i help you?' ... she says.. well just my LUCK, another beautiful girl to talk too ?! ... turns out she's an ex-smoker (does e-cigs now)..20 something (i think) funny, talented (sings in her spare time)... i think a half hour went by with us talking about life, habits, jokes, and everything else... yikes, i realize i have to be somewhere else.. so i tell her i have to go, oh well.. i'll be back later i tell her.. i did go back and talk to her briefly, but she was busy on the phone.. she looks at me, and says wait.. i tell her its ok, and she should keep talking to her boyfriend(jokingly).. she laughs.. funny thing is, i KNOW i'm going to see her again.. why? because i'm going to start smoking now! (just kidding).. why me ?!!? it figures.. ok, back to my dark cave for now.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
I hate going to the mall too. youre not alone there. but getting a job and getting out there will hopefully lead to more good things!
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
well life is still going on pretty quietly.
although i've been travelling like crazy. went down to memphis by car TWICE in the last month to help a friend move, but then it didn't work out. After that, i've been back and forth to new jersey and new york.. anyways, the job situation is still in a holding pattern.. but that can only go on so long before i'm ready to move on.. but wait! my friend is still here! i'll have to leave her! we're still meeting, and hanging out.. in fact we have a few more photoshoots planned.. at least i have that to look forward to.. we'll see how it goes.. later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Keep it up!
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
thanks stimpee,
well summer is in full swing here on the east coast.. so we went back to the rose park that we were at in april.. only took a small set this time.. but got some nice portraits: http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/7572/img5333cs.jpg link to the flickr set is here: --------------------------------------- http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=145 next up swimsuit shots near a scenic reservoir... yow!! later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what? - mystery blonde
met a new girl.
oh wait... looks familiar.. === oh http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/7...age5942rcs.jpg my http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/5...984rcsmod2.jpg goodness! http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/9563/img6054cs2.jpg http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/1020/img6011rcmods.jpg later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
glad you found her again!
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
pictures above! i suggested a blonde wig, and a pinup lingerie shoot jokingly, and she went for it! i'll post a few of the tamer shots in the process thread. ================= http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=150 later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
woooo... another shoot coming up today.
an indian theme! will be a lot of fun! later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
check out the indian
princess look.. she had a blast.. ======= http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/3994/img6590crs.jpg http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/5250/img6601crs.jpg and so did i! link to the post with flickr set: ---------- http://www.borndirty.org/forums/show...&postcount=153 later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
well, we celebrated her 22nd...lots of fun..
and we're doing an interview/makeup shoot.. with possibly some 3d fun! should be interesting day tomorrow... later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Does this mean you've abandoned Underworld? :)
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
Quote:
i'm still posting a lot in the 'underworld' category whenever stuff comes up.. nice to have such 'distractions' though!!!! later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
here's a shot from
after she showed me how she puts on makeup.. i'll post a link to other shots in another thread.. ======================== http://img846.imageshack.us/img846/7569/img6843sb.jpg later -1 |
Re: another year goes by...now what?
so— how is your relationship? is it platonic, or more than that?
|
Re: another year goes by...now what?
aka, are you getting any? :D
|
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:20 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.