the dilemma

[bryantm3]

okay. so i fell in love with this girl last year and she basically said no so i said okay and it was an awkward situation all around and it went farther than it should have. i checked her facebook still occasionally and then found a link to her boyfriend's blog and got curious and read it. so basically, he's a sweet guy, and he's not a jerk. he has a great taste in music and we have a common interest in photography, and i'm over the girl now. i've been replying to his posts anonymously and he's been posting pictures and i've been giving him tips and whatnot. i mentioned that i didn't have a google plus account (and he did) and he's offering me one. the thing is, i'm not sure if i should come out and tell him who i am, because the way i found his blog is totally weird, and even if he doesn't object to it, what if the girl thinks that i have some kind of weird ulterior motive and i'm trying to go through him to get her back or some weird shit?

so i have two paths, remain anonymous and avoid conflict, or introduce myself and my weird-ass story and either have another awkward social explosion, OR have a good chance of making a good friend. what do i do?

[TheBang]

Do you still have regular contact with the girl? Is he going to recognize your name?

You could just downplay the connections. "Oh, I saw a link to your blog on [girl]'s Facebook, and it looked really cool!"

[bryantm3]

no— no regular contact anymore. not for a year. i don't think he's going to, unless she told him or something. you see, i don't exactly know their relationship.

[TheBang]

Sounds like no big deal to me then.

[bryantm3]

i'm just afraid he'll mention it to her "hey i met this guy named daniel he's cool" and she'll be like WHAT? and she'll think i'm creeping or something. i dunno. paranoid?

[TheBang]

oh, i see. Well, then maybe it's better to lead with the "hey, I saw your blog linked from [girl]'s facebook" or something like that.

[Deckard]

I'd do one of two things.

Either come clean about how you stumbled on his blog, acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation, but just be casual about it, laugh it off, and try best to carry on as normal. Hopefully the period of freakedoutedness will be shortlived. If it's not, well, you tried.

So either that - or back away completely. Cut your losses. Let the friendship dwindle. That's the equivalent of turning around and walking back the way you came.

Which you choose depends on how much you value the new friendship's potential versus how mortified you (and your 'almost'-ex, and perhaps to a lesser extent, the friend) would feel about the whole thing.

Weighing up one versus the other (and not being able to fully predict their reactions) is the difficult thing.

What I wouldn't do, though, is prolong the anonymity. I mean, you can have anonymous friendships on the internet - we all have them to varying degrees - but in your case, there's a secret that you're carrying around which adds a layer of duplicity to the interactions, and the longer you keep that secret, the more deceitful it will seem if and when you do decide to come clean. In other words, trying to pursue and develop a meaningful friendship on this basis is, I think, a dead end.

[bas_I_am]

Stop

in case you didn't hear me...

Let me say this again...

"STOP!!!"

[bryantm3]

so i sent the e-mail yesterday. eh... here's hoping.

[Deckard]

*tenterhooks*

[Deckard]

OK, consider my hooks well and truly over-tentered.

Any news?

[froopy seal]

He doesn't have time to reply due to being all wound up in an intricate triangle relationship. I bet his social network profile status messages say something to the like of, "It's complicated".

[Rog]

"hey i met this guy named daniel he's cool" and she'll be like WHAT?


"Daniel, we need you cool. Are you cool?"