*ding* time for your head to explode

[cacophony]

conservative group thinks the bible is too "liberal," seeks to edit their HOLY FUCKING TEXT to make it fit their political agenda. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/05/conservative-bible-projec_n_310037.html)

every time i try to come up with a joke about this i end up curled up in the corner, sobbing, with bits of brain oozing out of my ear.

[cacophony]

WAIT! i've got one! *ahem*


i guess they asked, "what would jesus do" and didn't like the answer.


*crickets*


yeah. i know. recommence sobbing.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

I like it.

No so sure you'd want me in your corner though. I'll leave that to your imagination. I'm thinking Halloween flare and pizzazz(sp?) with a black light too.

[bryantm3]

I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

from Revelation.

[kagenaki koe]

prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh"

so make it more American and less Hebrew/Jewish? maybe it's more like an american remake of asian/european horror movies, change some of the names, settings etc....

[Sean]

I wonder if they plan to make corrections to things like Mary Magdelene being wrongly portrayed as a prostitute (http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/episode/the-real-mary-magdalene-2310/Overview), or maybe even including the gospel she wrote (http://www.gnosis.org/library/marygosp.htm) which was excluded from the Bible by the Church, along with numerous others. Like Judas' gospel (http://www.nationalgeographic.com/lostgospel/). But then again, that'd probably be adding to the "emasculation" problem the church has apparently been grappling with.

And I guess they'll have to entirely re-invent Jesus so he's not such a pinko socialist.

But I think the best potential thing to come of this is that Stephen Colbert may get himself added into the Bible (http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/10/08/stephen-colbert-how-you-can-make-him-moses/).

"Last night, Stephen Colbert gave a “tip of the hat” to Conservapedia, a conservative reference website which wants users to identify “pro-liberal terms used in existing Bible translations.” Needless to say, Colbert agreed that said tome was too liberal. “After all, the Bible says Jesus fed the poor,” pointed out the faux pundit. “It should say, he fed the rich and let the loaves and fishes trickle down.” But the “best part”, according to Colbert, is that, because Conservapedia is user-edited, fans can “add” SC himself to the good book. “Nation, I want you to go to Conservapedia and make me a biblical figure!” he ordered his army of followers."

[Deckard]

Speaking of Colbert, I thought it was 'reality' that was meant to have a well-known liberal bias?

(sorry - best i can come up with)

[//\/\/]

i'm guessing he won't be portrayed as a zealot from a well-to-do family who enacted old-testament prophecies so that people would see him as their messiah? maybe his jewishness will sort of fall by the wayside too. A CHRISTIAN CHRIST FOR A NEW GENERATION!!!

[cacophony]

i had the same thought, that he will be a white american neo-con "christian" christ. a christ that attends church at a converted football stadium and gives sermons about how god wants you to be financially wealthy and slim.

[Deckard]

and he'll have great teeth.

[cacophony]

http://blogs.ocweekly.com/navelgazing/buddy_christ.jpg

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Man, that's a good one!

[Deckard]

Hahaha!

Exactly that. :D

[Sean]

Right back atcha' Jesus!

[BeautifulBurnout]

Blessed are the hedge fund managers. For they create money out of thin air.

Blessed are the elite, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are the loud of mouth. For theirs in the kingdom of Heaven.

[//\/\/]

and he'll have great teeth.

:D:D:D

[dubman]

not to be the party pisser humoring these fucking psychos on their own terms but:

some of the talk from when i went to catholic/baptist/protestant elementary schools that i remember did mention about how the king james version is but one of a few possible roads the bible could be interpreted as, but it happens to be the most widespread. when people say "bible", people mean "the king james version of the bible (or 'new' knig james)"
so going back and doing your own thing with the "original text"... well, that's probably going to be called the "american nutbag" version but it wouldnt be as mind-blowingly sacreligious as assumed. KJV was basically re-framed to fit the church of england's ideology at the expense of their puritan irritants.

however i strongly doubt that these people have a fluent and subtle grasp of latin, greek, hebrew, and aramaic and wouldn't just be working off of KJV (already a divergent text) with a big red pen like a schoolpaper. but that'd be assuming

so since it'd probably just end up being a version of a version of a book which stands to just keep fucking people over iiii'm not going to care too hard about whats basically nonsense.

edit: on second thought this is probably a lot more shallow than that. i;m not sure if they're even aware of the bible's history. they dont seem to be trying to justify it intellectually (trying being the key word), they just resent 'wordiness' and that which pesters the black and white of their politics.
god, even yr stereotypical fanatic has the sense to pervert interpretation instead of metaphorically upending the board game.

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

not to be the party pisser humoring these fucking psychos on their own terms but:

some of the talk from when i went to catholic/baptist/protestant elementary schools that i remember did mention about how the king james version is but one of a few possible roads the bible could be interpreted as, but it happens to be the most widespread. when people say "bible", people mean "the king james version of the bible (or 'new' knig james)"
so going back and doing your own thing with the "original text"... well, that's probably going to be called the "american nutbag" version but it wouldnt be as mind-blowingly sacreligious as assumed. KJV was basically re-framed to fit the church of england's ideology at the expense of their puritan irritants.

however i strongly doubt that these people have a fluent and subtle grasp of latin, greek, hebrew, and aramaic and wouldn't just be working off of KJV (already a divergent text) with a big red pen like a schoolpaper. but that'd be assuming

so since it'd probably just end up being a version of a version of a book which stands to just keep fucking people over iiii'm not going to care too hard about whats basically nonsense.

edit: on second thought this is probably a lot more shallow than that. i;m not sure if they're even aware of the bible's history. they dont seem to be trying to justify it intellectually (trying being the key word), they just resent 'wordiness' and that which pesters the black and white of their politics.
god, even yr stereotypical fanatic has the sense to pervert interpretation instead of metaphorically upending the board game.


Yeah, & also, is it just me or are "they" making Doritos addictive with adding more excellant cheeseyness(sp?)? I mean, don't get me wrong they ARE good, I mean, I love them beyond explaination. But I think they're becoming addictive to an unhealthy standard.

OH SHIT, Saddam Hussien(sp?) loved Doritos too. I am soooo fucked.

shit, when i was a kid you were no one unless you could get to the front of the line and get the cooler ranch doritos.
if you got the nacho flavor everyone knew you were retarded.

Well here's some trivia for you dumbass, when I was young they weren't called "Ranch", but Sour Cream and Chives. Same damn recipe just "New & Improved" for slow learners like you.

[dubman]

shit, when i was a kid you were no one unless you could get to the front of the line and get the cooler ranch doritos.
if you got the nacho flavor everyone knew you were retarded.

[Sean]

edit: on second thought this is probably a lot more shallow than that. i;m not sure if they're even aware of the bible's history. they dont seem to be trying to justify it intellectually (trying being the key word), they just resent 'wordiness' and that which pesters the black and white of their politics.
god, even yr stereotypical fanatic has the sense to pervert interpretation instead of metaphorically upending the board game.From it's inception, the Bible has been manipulated to suit the purposes of whoever was in charge of compiling/organizing/re-writing it. This is just another step in the process of diluting the original intent of it's authors, and using it as a tool to further a particular group's self-serving goals. Religion is a farce.

[cacophony]

but has anyone ever been so open about their agenda?

[kagenaki koe]

you know who has time to re-write the bible? Sarah Palin.

[spacejunk]

... Religion is a farce.

Ditto

[Andrea]

Blessed are the hedge fund managers. For they create money out of thin air.

Blessed are the elite, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are the loud of mouth. For theirs in the kingdom of Heaven.

oh yeah, is it bull or bear?
http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/29/l_076c3a412b634e8a8c298aed0a8706f1.jpg

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

. . . & then you die.

"Survival of the richest" seemed like a good idea at the time.

[Andrea]

what time ?
it´s 21.54 PM here

btw it is a cow....rich in fantasy :)

[jOHN rODRIGUEZ]

Sorry Audry, I wasn't referring to your post, but that bird taking a dump is kinda gross.

[taoyoyo]

i think what god meant to say was...

[Andrea]

Give thanks to God who at least seems to have the last word :)